There is a lot to do (again) about gender issues on SL.
You read it on blog posts, polls, SL forum... people having problems with people not playing an avi with their RL gender. Much a do about nothing, if you ask me...
It's Second Life and not "Recreating my RL in pixels" A lot of people I know come on SL to escape their RL so why should it matter if they play a girl avi when the person behind the keyboard has actually a dick between their legs and vice versa. This world is about make believe .. being something you can not be in real life, doing stuff that is impossible for real life. Of course it becomes a whole different story when you go on Second Life looking for romance, fall in love and then find out the man of their dreams is actually a house wife and mother of 10.
Personally I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are mislead this way and what to inform the whole SL community about their sorrow. They should have been more carefull in this make believe world. People on Second Life lie more than people in RL. Why? Because it's harder to get caught lying in Second Life.
This doesn't mean I don't condemn people misleading others when it comes to SL gender. I think it's disguisting when you let people believe you are a man or woman if you know that person is falling in love with you and is even thinking about making a RL romance. People who do that are either so insecure they wanna hold on to that person with lies or just don't have an conscious and think it's fun misleading people like that.
Here is my advice on the whole matter:
If you are about to loose your heart to an avatar either do your best to get the real RL on this person before you fall head over heels or let go of any homofobic anxiety and accept you fell in love with the person regarding their sexuality. Or just don't fall in love on SL at all and put you energy in to finding someone on a datingsite or just by going out in to the real world and meet real live people (you can actually do that and unlike SL you do not get "Biting" invitations)
And for the people lying about their RL/SL gender. It's okay if you prefer to play with an avi of the opposite gender. But when you realize someone is falling for you, you should step up and tell them who/what you really are. Yes, you might loose that person for good but the truth tends to come out anyways.. so better make it sooner than later.